DUMBledor Deaths
by Noise from Nowhere
Summary: We all know that DUMBledore is stupid, for he keeps tempting Death like the idiot he is.  For some reason, Death must hate us, 'cause he lets DUMBledore live... . So, here are the various ways I have planed his death scene.
1. Chapter 1

Dumbledore Deaths, Act I Part I

It was January first, two thousand and nine. Dumbledore was in his office, looking at the picture of McGonagall on his desk. He kept asking himself why he hadn't asked McGonagall out yet; it was the New Year, and Dumbledore was going to make the best of it. Standing up, he ran to his door, tripping on his long robes along the way. He scowled. He hated being reminded that he was shorter than the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher this year, a show-off Lockheart. Dumbledore hated him. He didn't know why in the world he had even hired him! Oh, that's right. Mmmmm…. That five thousand Muggle dollars sure put enough chocolate frogs in Dumbledore's belly…. Anyway, Dumbledore was just about to put in the secret code to open his door, (4-21-13-2-12-5-4-15-18-4-18-21-12-5-19(DUMBLEDORE RULES in baby code*; the only code Dumbledore could figure out)) when the door opened… by itself!

"Wow!" exclaimed Dumbledore, amazed. "I really AM magic! And Mommy said it was just all in my head!" he smiled. But then, McGonagall came in, and Dumbledore was just a little disappointed that his magic powers still hadn't come. But he was happy to see the wrinkly, stern woman he loved. She looked at him, and he wondered if she had found his note. She took it out of the folds of her robe. She really did find it! He was overjoyed. He had it memorized.

_Dear McGonagall, I love you more than my magic is fake. More than my bad memory for first names. Anyways, I'm trying to ask you to go out on a date to that Butterbeer place that I like. Will you go?_

It was SO romantic, no? She was going to say yes! Her mouth was opening, and she said,

"I hate you so much, Albus. I despise you with all of my being. And that's why I am dating the Dark Lord. Not you." What? No!

"Is this, so called, _Dark Lord_, taller than me?" Dumbledore asked, enraged.

"Yes."

"NOOOOO!" Dumbledore howled.

"And he asked me to do one thing before I left Hogwarts." She said.

"What?" Dumbledore asked through tears.

"This. Avada Kedavra." She said, and felled DUMBledore.

*A = 1, B = 2, C = 3, ect, ect.


	2. Chapter 2

Attention, all! I have gotten the following flame "B***! DUMBLEDORE IS AWESOME!" from AnnabethChaserocks. I just want to say that it is a sad, sad world when people can't even spell out the B-word. I don't know if it's just my luck, but I seem to get a lot of grammatical error-filled flames. Now, I will admit that I am more prone to get flames because of my controversial stories among FanFiction. I would like to put out a challenge. Whoever flames me with good grammar, good spelling, and adequate use of swear words (either spelled out correctly, or used the correct number of symbols for the swear word). Will not be made fun of on the profile. In fact, they may even be praised and set out as an example to all flamers. Oh, and don't forget the unique personal insults. Any flames that do not meet the standards of the list on the profile page (How to Properly Flame) will be put into a special section where all the errors are pointed out under the How NOT to Flame section of the profile page. Have fun!

~M

P.S. This offer only applies to THIS story, DUMBledore Deaths

Dumbledore Deaths, Act I Part II

It was January second, two thousand and nine. Dumbledore was in the Great Hall, walking around and checking out the students. Suddenly, he saw the back of the head of Harry. Potter, of course.

"Harry!" he boomed, wrapping the poor boy in a bear hug. "My favorite student!" The boy pried away.

"I'm not Harry! I'm Jerrynifinkle!" the boy said, and turned away.

"The names at this school," Dumbledore muttered. Dumbledore hated his name. If you said it slow, it sounded like dumb tumble door. How stupid was that? The kids at Arts School made fun of him for his name. Or maybe it was his drawings? Oh, well. He had killed all of them long ago. Well, actually, he had hired Peter Petigrew to kill them. In the third book, everyone had thought that it was all about Black. But it was about the people in those houses! Good thing they all moved in next to each other!

Dumbledore walked up to a young-looking girl, and gave her a push for fun.

"Hey!"

"Hey! You stupid-looking thing! Take this, and _wingardium leviosa _me up the stairs. Now." He said, shoving the wand into the girl's hands.

"But, I'm only a little first year. I don't even know that spell!" she started to cry.

"YOU IDIOT! I KNEW THAT SPELL AFTER THE FIRST COMPUTER GAME!" Dumbledore roared, and shoved the girl to the ground. "JUST TRY!"

"O-okay." The girl stammered, and tried.

"WingarAvadakedavra!"

And DUMBledore died.

"Oops!" said the girl, who, in a puff of red smoke, turned into Bellatrix La Strange and killed every living thing in that school, except for Malfoy and Crookshanks, because they are awesome.


End file.
